I am weary this evening. Weary of this struggle with her, weary of this annoying pain in my hip, weary of people who don't understand each other. All around me I see weary, downtrodden people who are dearer to me than my energy. If I could give some of my energy or my joy or my peace to them, depleting my already low store and replenishing theirs, I would do it. But, that is not the way that we are allowed to bear each others' burdens. And this inability to bear with my brethren in this way weighs on me, though I know full well that it is impossible.

I want to help someone. I want to feel like I have something I can give that makes someone's load a little lighter. Something meaningful. I'm tired of running office errands and scanning photographs and sending mail and being a human filing cabinet. I want to do something that matters.

I want to rest. I want rest that keeps me feeling rested past chapel. I want to not wake up feeling sore and like I could have slept for a lot longer. I want to stop waking up before or after my alarm, and start waking up when it goes off.

I want to start working on Thorn for next year. A stack of thirteen beautiful volumes of a college's heart-thoughts bound up in paper and ink and staples and glue. I want to begin the process of making my own. I know that this will start out with a lot of learning, and I am anxious to do so. I want to find out all of the details about publishing and editing and layout while I am still fresh and full of zeal for it. I want to find a copy of each Thorn published to date and make copies or scans of them so that I can have my own library of thoughts from Covenant College.