He is aptly named. Noah means "comforter."

I lie here on my couch listening to the music I will hear after i marry him, and though he is not here, I am comforted.
I made the mistake of reading those "tips for vulnerable women who go places alone even though there are so many men stronger than they are who want to hurt them" again. I know that they always make me paranoid.
I was enjoying having my door open and letting in the cool wet night air. Then I started thinking about how it was a bad idea because it was probably unsafe.

I am not a feminist.
I am scared of men because they are stronger than me and they've hurt me before.
Rumors of ways people attack women make me paranoid.
That's why I always look under the car and at the car on other sides when I return to the parking lot.
Is this "caution" worth the fear?
Something inside me yells that it isn't.


I am marrying him in 80 days. I'm not scared of this anymore.
Here are the little things I'm looking forward to:
~ checking the little "Mrs." box on forms
~ calling his parents "Mom" and "Dad"
~ kissing him when he comes home from work
~ having someone to comfort me from the nightmares
~ filling out the forms to change my name
~ seeing him when we wake up in the morning
~ holding his left hand and feeling a wedding ring
~ calling him my husband
~ hearing him call me his wife
~ making someplace home for us
~ praying with him
~ praying for him
~ taking communion with him
~ opening wedding gifts
~ sending thank you notes
~ naming children
~ watching him be a dad
~ having children that look like him
~ working with him
~ loving him
~ being loved

I miss him tonight. He was sad, but didn't have time to stay more than 20 minutes. Even just being around him makes the day better. I had a migraine today, but it didn't matter when he was here, because he brings peace when he comes- even when he is as upset and sad as he was tonight. I love who he is. This wasn't supposed to happen to me. I wasn't supposed to get someone worth this much. Sometimes I get a little scared that I'll be told there was some mistake and he was intended for someone else- and it'll all be gone. Then I remember that life is not a nightmare and that what I tell Ashley is true across the board and not just for her. God is comforting.